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I am off to a place with no internet and no phone (hard to believe but it's true. Our cell phones don't even work there).It's also one of my favourite places in the world.I'll be back in a week or so. Don't let me forget to tell you the story of how my prosthesis found a new home (and all the good help and advice - both humorous and helpful- that I got from my online community).Here's hoping for sunshine!
She was known as Sepha and her blog was Undone.
I have been meaning to email her, send her a package, comment on her blog. I have been thinking of her lots.Now we have lost another one. Another smart, funny, creative woman has succumbed far too young to cancer.Life, sometimes is so unfair. And damn, I wish I had sent that package.My heart goes out to her family and her Dear Other.I hate cancer.
It's not the kind of thing I'd want to advertise on Craigslist or Kijiji.I can't set it out on my front lawn and hope someone takes it away.I doubt the Canadian Diabetes Association or the Ontario Federation for Cerebral Palsy would want it as part of their drive to collect use goods for re-sale.But I have a perfectly good prosthesis, worn only a handful of times that I'm sure someone could use, even if it was wrong for me (and I have replaced it with another one I don't seem to be wearing much).The government covers about two thirds of the cost of a new prosthesis. That balance must be prohibitive for many who don't have private insurance to take care of the rest.How do I find someone who can use it though?Maybe someone at Breast Cancer Action would know.Of course, I could always use my prosthesis to make art, the way Jacqueline did.I think my inclinations might be a little more violent, though.Thoughts?
photo: A Kaplan-Myrth
Do you know hard it is to keep track of two six year olds in a museum on Canada Day, when admission is free and everyone is dressed in red and white?So far today I have been to the Museum of Civilization, eaten Vietnamese noodle soup, watched two boys play in a splash pad at a park and taken the dogs for a walk in the rain.Now that the sun is out, I'm going to join friends on their back deck, watch the kids splash in the pool, eat some barbecued stuff and have a beer or two.Very Canadian.
1. Take down kids' playhouse that has been up for almost a decade.2. Leave dogs unsupervised in back yard.3. Set two six year old boys up with sprinkler and water slide.4. Leave six year old boys unsupervised for two minutes.5. Find small lake filling hole previously dug by dogs.6. Consider becoming annoyed but remember how much fun you had playing in the mud as a kid.7. Sit and knit while boys dip their hands in the water.8. Watch as boys wade into mud hole.9. Listen to imagination game as boys run mud through their fingers.10. Observe the inevitability of mud in fingers leading to mud covering bodies and faces.11. Intervene only when mud is being flung against the house.12. Watch boys rinse mud off house.13. Interrupt game only when it is time to leave.14. Ignore pleas for five more minutes.15. Hose boys down.16. Drop one boy off at home.17. Apologize for mud encrusted in ears and other places.18. Smile every time you think of those two boys covered in mud.
Big promises.High Expectations.Met.And exceeded.So much more lies ahead.I am privileged to share this pathWith you.
Warning: This post may contain too much information for some readers.I have not worn a prosthesis for more than two years. Lymphedema and then scarring from radiation made the experience of wearing it excruciating. The last time I tried to wear it, I was on a date with my spouse in Florida. After an hour, I was in tears, it hurt so much. Out it came and I haven't looked back.At least not much.I find that I'm pretty comfortable without a prosthesis. Sometimes I dress to camouflage and others I just don't care. And most of the time, I don't think about it at all.Lately, though, I've wanted the chance to blend in a little more, to not have to lead with my cancer when I meet people. And although I have some great tops that work with my asymmetrical body, (from Rhea Belle, of course) I do get tired of the limited options open to me (it's hard enough finding funky clothes in larger sizes).So, while feeling slightly guilty about giving into societal notions of beauty (in hiding my asymmetry, am I implying that I think there is something wrong with it?), I set out to visit Kelly's Mastectomy Boutique.The entire operation took all of ten minutes ("Oh look! Boobs!" I exclaimed as I tried on prosthesis and bra) and cost several hundreds of dollars (recuperable, thanks to the government and my insurance plan. I wonder though, why do we need a referral from a doctor? Does anyone get a prosthesis for fun? What would they do with it?). I brought it home, stuck it in my closet and didn't wear it for almost a week.Yesterday, I decided it was time for the prosthetic equivalent of a test drive. I was meeting Sassymonkey for pints and knitting on a sunny patio. It seemed like a low stakes endeavour, in that if I arrived with my boobs pointing in different directions, Sassymonkey was likely to be unperturbed. It was also a good opportunity to put the boob through it's paces, as I would be biking, knitting, eating, sitting in the warm sun and engaging in a social encounter.My new fake boob is squishier in back and is supposed to be lighter - better for both my uneven chest wall and lymphedema. I wore it under a t-shirt with a picture on it (much harder to wear with an uneven chest) and one that is slightly snugger than I have been wearing lately. I noticed immediately that my waist, gone for ages, seemed to reappear. I also noticed that my posture seemed to improve.I ran into someone I knew on my way to the pub. She said, "You look different. Have you done something to your hair?" And after Sassymonkey and I had been sitting for a while, I pointed out my newly symmetrical rack to her. "That's what's different!" she exclaimed."You'd tell me if I were unbalanced right?" She assure me that she would (I felt unbalanced, I'm so unused to having this weird mound on the right side of my chest).All in all, I declare the outing a success. The thing felt odd but there was no pain. I even forgot I was wearing it for a while. When Sassymonkey and I parted we hugged goodbye (I later repeated this experience with T. Hugging feels very odd, like we are squishing a big pillow between us) and she noted, "You're still balanced."I said I was glad but that I was going to take it off when I got home. "It's like breaking in a pair of shoes, you know?"She said that she did.As I type this, the stand-in for my right boob is nestled in it's box in my closet. I am toying with taking it out for a spin again this evening. And one last thing: there needs to be more support and encouragement of women who create clothing for the post-mastectomy body. Also, it would be great if the bigger clothing companies would come across, by supporting the work of women like Jacqueline and modifying their own designs. I can't be the only woman who has had a mastectomy, does not love prosthesis and cannot/would not choose surgical reconstruction.
